Wedding details matter, but don't let them stress you.

I have a confession, sometimes I think the reason my wedding day wasn't stressful is because it was a second wedding, but in fairness, neither was my first. Both days were the traditional bridesmaids, bouquets and reception soiree type thing, but neither of them were stressful. I'm going to give you the rundown. Part of me confessing all of this is to help anyone who is currently planning a wedding - it's for those of you who are laying awake at night wondering how to "pull it all off". My first wedding took place on April Fools Day in 2002. I know, I know...the jokes! Suffice to say, it was a fun wedding, but sadly fell short of a marriage. None-the-less it was where I was in my life at the time, and you just never know where life will lead you. My current hubby says he wishes he would have met me sooner, so he could love me longer, but I know that in so many ways I needed to go through everything I did. My 20's truly prepared me for meeting my husband - I joke all the time when I tell him I he would have never been my type back then with his pink hair and him wearing his all black reminiscent of Johnny Cash type outfits! But I digress! My first wedding day. There I was, running late! I'll admit, it wasn't unusual for me to be late back then, but I was extremely young and try way harder these days. I went to get my nails done that morning at the appointment time, however, nobody was there! Somehow because of the time change, they were running late. That really makes no sense if you think about the whole spring forward concept, but anyway! After getting my nails done, I had to get my hair done, and by that I meant - how would I fix my hair? I was a bit of a free spirit back then an

d I did not have a plan to get my hair professionally done. So, I fixed my own hair, on the fly and moved on with it. (I might be brave enough to post a photo one day). So by that time I was a solid hour late to my wedding. I dove into the limo and off we went. We began the drive down the coast of San Diego (where I lived at the time), but THERE I SAT IN TRAFFIC. Now this was in 2001 and the early days of cell phones and internet, and all the things that make our lives easy weren't really a thing, but thankfully someone in the limo had a phone. The preacher. was. pissed. and I mean beyond madder than mad. I'm actually surprised he even agreed to still marry us! By the time I arrived with the other ladies in the wedding we were two hours late. I didn't MEAN to be two hours late to my own wedding, it just kinda...happened. 20-something me felt little remorse, even if 29-again me is mort

ified whenever I think about it. So, we say our vows and all that good stuff, take some formal photos and off we went to the reception. When we arrived to the reception (much like my lack of forethought on a hairstyle), I realized that my lack of seating chart was a HUGE problem. Seating chart? Like hello, if you can't seat yourself then you've got issues! Again, young me did. not. care. I didn't bother, and I didn't care. That is, until distant relatives sat right up front! I didn't even really know these relatives! They were an one of those obligatory invites, and it was the first time I'd ever met them! So guess who sat in the very back of the room? The best man's wife. Yeah, that happened and my husband was not happy about it! So that obviously should have been worked out ahead of time; lesson learned. The other thing - someone came to me to say that a few tables in the back of the room had NO linens. My response? Oh well! I mean I guess I could have cared a teeny bit but in the grand scheme of things, I chose not to care. In hindsight, I didn't plan well. I should not have tried to book a nail appointment the day of, I should have had a hair appointment and could have planned a dozen other things to ensure that my day was stress free, but young 20-something me just didn't care. FACT: To this day I've never been reminded about the tables missing linens at my wedding and even though I remember it, I am quite sure nobody else did (perhaps the best mans wife sitting back there). The point is, there were tons of things that I should have planned better for and tons of details that went overlooked which caused a lot of stress the day of. I chose to deal with the stress by not caring!

But enough about my first wedding because I think for anyone who has ever remarried, you tend to want to glaze over your past! When I met my husband, I knew within 24 hours I'd marry him; no joke! Funny enough, I asked him out and he said no. HA! I wish I was joking, but I'm totally not, yet we still ended up going on that first date and I'm sure glad we did. For now let me skip the boring details of our dating and tell you about our wedding day.

The year was 2012. I planned every detail. WeddingWire.com, WeddingBee.com and Pinterest were my saving grace. Every detail HAD to be perfect. I had visions of what I wanted, and then I had monthly, weekly and daily doses of reality reminding me - YOU HAVE A BUDGET, GIRLFRIEND! So, I did a lot of DIY. When a friend of mine, a fellow photographer, asked the question "Why are the

details on a wedding important?" my response was:

"Because everything in life that matters or is important follows the same pattern- it's detailed. If you are grabbing a quick dinner at a fast food place, you're just eating...but if you're celebrating a milestone you might place a reservation, handpick a menu, and you'd probably dress nice!! The details in life are directly equated to the level of importance, it's why most folks dwell on the details. That's NOT to say that weddings that don't have a lot of detail aren't important! The "real details" include the traditions of the wedding itself. Walking down the aisle, exchanging vows, first kiss, bouquet toss...even the clothing you wear. Some couples skip some elements of these details and that's fine too, you don't need them all! Ultimately the most important detail is to have a day that reflects how much the couple loves one another!"

Now of course I was asked this question many years after my hubby and I married, but it really got me thinking - is this why I obsessed over the details? The second time around I feel as though the details mattered because it reflected my level of commitment, and all of the details were (in a strange way) testimony or dedication to how I felt about my commitment to my husband. Perhaps it's a small part of why I didn't much care to plan the details the first time around? In an

event, my detailed day came and went, and if you're married you know just how fast the day goes! What I didn't do was dwell on the overlooked details. You see, it's okay to plan and implement what you feel is perfection but when it comes down to the day of - it's time to let it all go! I was able to truly enjoy my day. The only thing that mattered that day was my husband, Justin. We had the rings, and we had the marriage certificate. No matter what small detail got overlooked or what perfectly planned element didn't quite measure up, we made a choice not to care! There was no worry about signs hanging a little crooked, or bows that came untied, or shoes that didn't

match the dress quite-right because we just didn't care! We made it through the day and exchanged vows that we wrote ourselves, and it was perfect.

If you're reading this and stressed over all the planning, remember that it's just one day. There are things you can plan and control, but ultimately the biggest goal should be to ENJOY your day. If you allow the details to stress you out you'll walk away feeling like the day was stressful! Although I am a firm believer that the details should be planned, I also feel very passionately about having your wedding day be a "PNR" day. PNR is an acronym I use often! It can be mean that a child is overly tired and needs to go to bed, it can mean you've had one too many glasses of wine and shouldn't have any more, but in this case PNR or "Point of No Return" is the wedding day attitude that you've planned all you can plan, so now it's time to look forward and not care about what might go wrong. It's the time to focus on your spouse and enjoy your day!